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Spontaneity - a question for Dommes

Posted by madrigal2112 on Sun 23 Oct 2011 to FemDom_forum

Just wondering (again as I am prone to do!!) how this exists/ is kept alive in an FLR. No matter how dominant you perceive yourself to be there MUST come a time when you revert to your vanilla self and would like your sub/ partner to surprise you with a gift or holiday on some Caribbean island. How does this work if you assume total control of what I also would think includes finances. I'm assuming D/s can never be 24/7. Is your Domme persona just reserved for “play”and if so how do you switch in and out. What other method other than servitude could a sub use to express his devotion/worship?

Reply by Out_of_Here on Mon 24 Oct 2011

madrigal2112 wrote:
Spontaneity - a question for Dommes

Just wondering (again as I am prone to do!!) how this exists/ is kept alive in an FLR. No matter how dominant you perceive yourself to be there MUST come a time when you revert to your vanilla self and would like your sub/ partner to surprise you with a gift or holiday on some Caribbean island. How does this work if you assume total control of what I also would think includes finances. I'm assuming D/s can never be 24/7. Is your Domme persona just reserved for “play”and if so how do you switch in and out. What other method other than servitude could a sub use to express his devotion/worship?

D/s can be 24/7. It is not about how you are acting or behaving or what you are doing at any given moment, it is about what you are in that relationship. I am dominant and he is submissive.

That said, how that operates on a minute by minute level is interesting. We feel like a normal couple and so we talk ostensibly as equals. He is not afraid to say what he thinks or feels. If we are discussing something that needs a resolution, then it is resolved either because we can actually agree or eventually because I decide the solution which might even be, dare I say it, to allow him to decide.It all depends upon the context, importance of the situation and a whole raft of other things which will weigh more or less heavily in each instance.

Paul is allowed to buy me gifts if he wishes to do so. He doesn't often at all but that is fine as I don't really want for material possessions. My main need is for his submission. He wouldn't book a holiday without my say so for many reasons but then I would have horrified if any of my previous vanilla partners had done that anyway. Holidays are big things in my view and both people should be involved at least to some degree.

I think the major assumption you are making is that everyone likes being surprised by gifts or holidays. I am not particularly comfortable with surprises of that nature but prefer as happened last week, for a surprise to come by way of a text when he told me the most loving and wonderful things. A simple,unasked for, 'out of the blue' set of words and I was happier than I had been in weeks. In a gesture which cost nothing more than his thoughtfulness, he gave the embodiment of his service and devotion.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

Reply by madrigal2112 on Mon 24 Oct 2011

Thanx for your reply, he sounds like a lucky man!

Reply by BatteredBruisedWifey on Tue 25 Oct 2011

EDIT ooooops i just realised was a question for Dommes :-p

In my heart i am at rest when i can be devoted, obedient & hanging on every thought & word of a Woman. I am really REALLY fortunate to have met out of the blue a real softie who adores me being this way & if im not gives me a good beating :-D

There is no need for us to be spontaneous nor see ourselves as Dominant submissive. How we are is just how we feel comfortable and always sought yet never had.

I do seek Her permission for things i know She would want me to seek Her permission for and in our hearts we know She owns me.

I like sending Her nice messages followed by a naughty one :-p I can sense when She needs a cuddle, a kind word, a laff and She the same for me. I never want to hurt Her tender heart even in the slightest. I just do little simple things for Her like we just had a cute tea house open & im dying to take Her there, we both busy day times i hope this saturday.

Reply by Princess_Rebecca on Tue 25 Oct 2011

You're really starting with a lot of assumptions, which is probably where you're coming unstuck. For one thing, "control of finances" might mean giving a sub an allowance that they can spend as they wish. For another, a Domme who hates dealing with finances may actually prefer that her sub deals with it and she simply 'signs off' the accounts at regular intervals. Or the sub may have a certain price limit that they can spend to, and any larger purchases would then have to be agreed to by the Domme. A female led relationship doesn't mean that she has to be a nit picker over every single detail. I can trust my husband to take care of, say, the car's MOT without me ever having to make a single decision. He will pick a garage, find a suitable time when I won't be needing to use the car myself, make as many checks on the car as he can first to maximise the chances of it passing, drop it off, pay for it, and organise any repairs that may need to be done and so on. I don't need to dictate every single step of the process, how tiring that would get!

@Hellions - Irregular FemDom Nights

Reply by Out_of_Here on Tue 25 Oct 2011

Princess_Rebecca wrote:
You're really starting with a lot of assumptions, which is probably where you're coming unstuck. For one thing, "control of finances" might mean giving a sub an allowance that they can spend as they wish. For another, a Domme who hates dealing with finances may actually prefer that her sub deals with it and she simply 'signs off' the accounts at regular intervals. Or the sub may have a certain price limit that they can spend to, and any larger purchases would then have to be agreed to by the Domme. A female led relationship doesn't mean that she has to be a nit picker over every single detail. I can trust my husband to take care of, say, the car's MOT without me ever having to make a single decision. He will pick a garage, find a suitable time when I won't be needing to use the car myself, make as many checks on the car as he can first to maximise the chances of it passing, drop it off, pay for it, and organise any repairs that may need to be done and so on. I don't need to dictate every single step of the process, how tiring that would get!

Exactly, this is the kind of way @paulss and I operate. he works hard to make sure I don't have to be bothered with dull mundane stuff. He is an exceptionally well organised person and does so much household admin brilliantly well.

He is self motivated and very capable of using his own initiative and so, like yourself, no need for micromanaging and everything gets done to my satisfaction.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

Reply by Ms_Rika on Fri 28 Oct 2011

Even more presumptuous is the thought that being spontaneous, assertive, and independent are not traits of a good submissive! For me and my subs, this is EXACTLY what I expect from them.

I want them to take their brains and put them to good use! I want them to think up new and different things they can do for me. I want them to strive to anticipate my needs and act on them before I have to ask them for it. Granted, this takes time and they are not always perfect, but if they truly strive for that level of perfection,I can accept some flaws.

Their job is to make my life easier. It certainly is not easier to have to think for them as well as myself.

My point is that surprise and independent thought is something I expect and look forward to. I have a pretty creative mind, but I'm sure there are many enjoyable things I haven't thought of. I would hate to miss out on those. It's not a 'vanilla' moment to want a man to take initiative in service to you.

-Rika

- Rika

Reply by MsTrixzenaz on Fri 28 Oct 2011

Ms_Valentine wrote:
madrigal2112 wrote:
Spontaneity - a question for Dommes

Just wondering (again as I am prone to do!!) how this exists/ is kept alive in an FLR. No matter how dominant you perceive yourself to be there MUST come a time when you revert to your vanilla self and would like your sub/ partner to surprise you with a gift or holiday on some Caribbean island. How does this work if you assume total control of what I also would think includes finances. I'm assuming D/s can never be 24/7. Is your Domme persona just reserved for “play”and if so how do you switch in and out. What other method other than servitude could a sub use to express his devotion/worship?

D/s can be 24/7. It is not about how you are acting or behaving or what you are doing at any given moment, it is about what you are in that relationship. I am dominant and he is submissive.

That said, how that operates on a minute by minute level is interesting. We feel like a normal couple and so we talk ostensibly as equals. He is not afraid to say what he thinks or feels. If we are discussing something that needs a resolution, then it is resolved either because we can actually agree or eventually because I decide the solution which might even be, dare I say it, to allow him to decide.It all depends upon the context, importance of the situation and a whole raft of other things which will weigh more or less heavily in each instance.

Paul is allowed to buy me gifts if he wishes to do so. He doesn't often at all but that is fine as I don't really want for material possessions. My main need is for his submission. He wouldn't book a holiday without my say so for many reasons but then I would have horrified if any of my previous vanilla partners had done that anyway. Holidays are big things in my view and both people should be involved at least to some degree.

I think the major assumption you are making is that everyone likes being surprised by gifts or holidays. I am not particularly comfortable with surprises of that nature but prefer as happened last week, for a surprise to come by way of a text when he told me the most loving and wonderful things. A simple,unasked for, 'out of the blue' set of words and I was happier than I had been in weeks. In a gesture which cost nothing more than his thoughtfulness, he gave the embodiment of his service and devotion.

I go along with most of what MsValentine says but in my particular case, as I control all of my slave's finances, it is not in a position to buy me gifts. At Christmas or on my birthday, I allow it to have its debit card for a few hours along with the PIN number so it can buy me a gift, then I change the PIN number again.