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Sexual Chemistry

Posted by madrigal2112 on Fri 21 Oct 2011 to FemDom_forum

I've been wondering, and this is more a reflection on myself than anyone else, whether this D/s thing is just an extension of fantasy. There have been a number of threads recently regarding fantasy Dommes. For myself in particular, this has resulted in suggesting Ladies who appeal in a vanilla sense and transfering this attraction to the BDSM environment. If you consider yourself to be truly submissive to a Dominant Woman, should the aspect of attraction even come into the equation? If a Lady is prepared to take you “under her wing” should I/you accept the opportunity regardless of any other consideration? In the case of PD's, has there ever been the occasion when you have felt you could not go through with a session? Forgetting such things as personal hygiene etc, has there ever been a time when a subs physical appearance didn't float your boat, or isn't that something you need? With regard to L/S Dommes, what is more important? Looks or attitude?

Reply by MistressClarabella on Fri 21 Oct 2011

For me I think attitude is more important but there has to be an attraction there as I only want one sub to dom & have a relationship with. I have turned many offers down where I get the sense that they are not interesting in me for me at all or what I want but just want a domme, any domme, to satify their needs with little or nothing in return! Will be interested in the other responses!

"Men are like dogs except dogs are loyal!"

Reply by idonna on Sat 22 Oct 2011

I think the difference is down to whether a Domme and a sub are looking doe a d/s relationship which is only about submission and doesn't extend into being a full-time bf/gf one or not.

If both only want d/s and all is about fulfilling need of their Dominant/submissive personalities - then being attracted is defined differently from one which is d/s+FLR.

Hope it makes sense anyway :)

Reply by madrigal2112 on Sat 22 Oct 2011

MistressClarabella wrote:
For me I think attitude is more important but there has to be an attraction there as I only want one sub to dom & have a relationship with. I have turned many offers down where I get the sense that they are not interesting in me for me at all or what I want but just want a domme, any domme, to satify their needs with little or nothing in return! Will be interested in the other responses!

That's an interesting reply but one I am struggling to come to terms with. Surely a first concept for a sub is to try to discover what his potentail Mistress is "about" and then to try and fulfill those needs. Otherwise what is Fem Dom all about.

Reply by idonna on Sat 22 Oct 2011

madrigal2112 wrote:
MistressClarabella wrote:
For me I think attitude is more important but there has to be an attraction there as I only want one sub to dom & have a relationship with. I have turned many offers down where I get the sense that they are not interesting in me for me at all or what I want but just want a domme, any domme, to satisfy their needs with little or nothing in return! Will be interested in the other responses!

That's an interesting reply but one I am struggling to come to terms with. Surely a first concept for a sub is to try to discover what his potential Mistress is "about" and then to try and fulfill those needs. Otherwise what is Fem Dom all about.

I think first and foremost is about establishing communication. hence style of it would be acceptable/suitable for both (or not).

There's no need for guessing anything, but asking, observing and willing o wait for some answers

Reply by Out_of_Here on Sat 22 Oct 2011

It is a product of the relative rarity of female dominants, that means male subs do have to submit to one of the limited pool of Dom/mes and must as a group be less choosy in order that at least some play is enjoyed. This does not mean on an individual level male subs are not using discrimination in who they submit to, but the imbalance in numbers suggests male subs do have a smaller group to choose from or as is often the case, a larger group from which they are picked by a Dom/me.

Good thing us Dom/mes are such a bunch of ravishing beauties, isn't it? Otherwise the poor male subs would be so unlucky :-)

In my lifestyle guise, looks and attitude play a equal part as I only tend to play with my own personal sub and within a full sexual relationship. So, if I am kissing, having sex with and being life partnered to someone, it makes sense they are desirable to me on all levels. I am truly lucky that @paulss is a mix of all good qualities so we have a very happy relationship.

In my PD life, things are a bit different as I am not really bothered by physical appearance at all. My mind is not thinking about sexual attraction, so much as purely BDSM compatibility as that is the only essential criteria for a good PD sessions. Obviously, my best PD subs are those with whom I am attracted to their personality, intelligence, world view as well as the bdsm stuff too. That way, we have great post session chats over tea or coffee.

Over the years, I have seen men for PD sessions whose physical attractiveness has varied from the downright plain, or even sadly physically disfigured, right through to a notable few absolute stunners. Looks have not been the deciding factor in what made a good session or ongoing PD relationship.

I have never been unable to go through with a relationship on the basis of a sub's looks. Even if I was deeply repelled by a person's appearance, it would not be kind or professional to allow that to show.

A Fine Norfolk Domme. Mistress of @paulss My PD blog at http://mistress-keene.blogspot.com/

Reply by paulmcuk on Sat 22 Oct 2011

One question with many answers. Many forms of BDSM play are sexual, even if not sex, and it's not suprising if physical attractiveness plays a part. Plus, as others have said, there may be a difference between meeting someone for play (or profession) and having a relationship.

For me personally, I do feel more submissive to a Domme that I find attractive. Using completely untrained self-analysis, I think my submissiveness started in my teens when I was painfully shy. A pretty girl was unapproachable and unattainable so I put girls that I find very attractive on a pedestal, there to be worshipped. That still lingers and there is a certain thrill in a Domme that is so far out of my league looks-wise that she takes me right back to my stuttering, stumbling teenage self.

That said, being pretty isn't enough. If I listed my top ten beautiful actresses I wouldn't be listing my top ten fantasy Dommes. There has to be something about them (or passibly in a character they've played) which shows they might have the attitude of a Domme. I should also add that my definition of what constitutes attractiveness has broadended with age.

Reply by tanken on Sat 22 Oct 2011

I think a lot of us do not consider ourselves 'truly submissive' to a dominant woman but nevertheless if the sexual chemistry is there then we feel submissive to her.

Sexual relations and desires often defy simple logic and people can endure all kinds of hardships and pain for love in a way that they wouldn't dream of doing without it.

Happiness is a warm bum :)

Reply by Twistee on Sat 22 Oct 2011

D/s for me is all about having an emotional and sexual connection with someone, so in that regard, it's no different to a vanilla relationship. Unless I am attracted to someone, I'm not interested in pursuing a D/s relationship with them.

That attraction isn't based solely on looks. There are plenty of women out there who I might be attracted to on a physical level, but that kind of attraction is often transitory. What really holds my attention is the attitude. The way she moves and carries herself, the tone of her voice, the expressiveness of her eyes - all of which can be ways of expressing an inner desire to dominate.

When it comes to the fantasy Domme threads, my choices have been based on a combination of looks and attitude. Not only do I find them physically attractive, but there is something about them that pushes my sub buttons too. So really it's not about taking a vanilla attraction and pushing it into a BDSM realm, but being not only attracted to the woman, but also the Domme that I sense might be there.

Of course with fantasy Dommes, mostly that's just wishful thinking, but I'm reading those nonverbal cues as signs of dominance, and it is that which draws my attention even more.

In the real world, though ... it's all about looks, chemistry and a sense that our personalities might be a good match, along with the hope that she might be attracted to me as a submissive as well as in all the other, more traditional ways.

~Twistee~

Everything is better with a twist

@Strapon_Central

Reply by BatteredBruisedWifey on Sat 22 Oct 2011

I gets HARRRRD on love :-D

My record is FOUR hours .. yes i know its nothing :-p but i was unassisted by any contraption :-D

My Lady is many i mean Many years my senior & apart from being totally hot & yummy She is a kind gentle soul so i absolutely adore pleasuring Her anyway She likes.

One of the most wonderful love making we had was after one day i was really down & my Lady soothed me, i was so delirious for Her.

...

If i was with some woman who charged me up like a light bulb with sexual chemistry yet i found out had some nastiness in her it'd be such a turn off.

Reply by BatteredBruisedWifey on Tue 25 Oct 2011

madrigal2112 wrote:
For myself in particular, this has resulted in suggesting Ladies who appeal in a vanilla sense and transfering this attraction to the BDSM environment. If you consider yourself to be truly submissive to a Dominant Woman, should the aspect of attraction even come into the equation? If a Lady is prepared to take you “under her wing” should I/you accept the opportunity regardless of any other consideration?

In a relationship it is about being comfortable with one another, kind of like wearing ole slippers. When comfortable it is easy to feel can do anything & everything with and to our partner.

I never got this sexual chemistry lark, it seems to me for those who want a quickie (nowt wrong with that heehee) or for those who have not been in a comfortable relationship (awwww).

With my Lady & i, we are mischievous & naughty & we laugh at the same silly things cause we both are silllly :-p We feel comfortable to do anything to one another at any moment, that could be me locked in the cupboard with a torch peeling potatoes :-D