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Authenticity

Posted by FairyGirl on Sat 19 Mar 2011 to Daddy_Dom_Dynamic

**This was something my daddy and I found to be incredibly moving when it happened, and I think it's a wonderful example of the vulnerability experienced in Daddy/little girl relationships. I think it's perfectly expressed too, but then, I could be a little biased! My daddy ( @Daddy_Cool ) wrote it.**

Inspired as I always am by my little girls writing (her latest blog can be found here http://jamtartfairy.wordpress.com ) I've decided to share an event during our last visit that made a profound impact on us both. As a rule I have always sought for something authentic in any D/s relationship or play. I have and always will get off on honest reactions to whatever form of control I exercise. The interplay between two people in this way is at its' best open and honest and can touch deep parts of our psyche.

My little princess and I have always had a relationship where punishments are not for fun but for genuine infractions of my rules or naughty behaviour. I know she likes to test her boundaries and see how far she can push things before stepping over the line. Sometimes this can be done in playful manner and the energy is light and bouncy, just like her mood as she is testing Daddy. It's as though she has forgotten the sting of her last punishment, or doubts that Daddy will carry it through this time. Though of course I always do. For me I always followed a protocol whereby I would inform princess what she had done wrong and why she was being punished. At this moment she genuinely will not enjoy the punishment whether it be corner time, lines or spanking and will return to being contrite and well mannered. Afterwards she takes comfort in feeling Daddy's control, knowing it comes from a place of love.

We had recently discussed how I carried out punishments and I thought she would benefit from more defined structure in the process. I explained that the process of any punishment would go like this.

1. Daddy will explain why you are being punished

2. Daddy will explain how you are to be punished.

3. Daddy will carry out the punishment in full 4. At the end Princess will say sorry to Daddy

5. Princess will be forgiven and told she is a good girl if she takes her punishment.

(yes if you watch Supernanny this may be familiar to you. )

One night I was cooking my lil girl dinner. Not a microwave meal but a proper dinner that we could sit down to at the table. Some of her housemates where in the kitchen too and we were all having a good giggle. Then during a phone call with her mum, in which princess was putting herself down, I loudly corrected her and mentioned how great she was doing. As I was turning away she made a dismissive hand gesture which essentially meant 'yeah yeah'. One of her house mates commented oh you'll be in trouble for that one. She was. I made it clear that she was and it would be dealt with after dinner. I continued with preparing dinner and served shortly after.

As we ate I could see her getting more anxious wanting to get the punishment over with. I had made a conscious choice with this punishment to follow the protocol through to the letter. I knew that she needed this and that it would have an impact on the tone and meaning of the punishment. She began to ask when we were going up to her room, what was she going to get. I simply pointed out that I we'd had just enjoyed a lovely dinner and I was going to finish drinking my tea before we did anything. Her mood changed dramatically in those minutes while I sipped quietly from my mug and the gravity of what she had done began to sink in.

Once finished I led her upstairs to her room and sat her on the bed. Calmly and somewhat coolly I explained why her behaviour had resulted in a punishment. First she had contradicted Daddy when I was praising her and used a dismissive hand gesture to emphasise that. I take her self-esteem very seriously and will not validate behaviour that promotes a poor self-image. Second she did it in front of company. And third Daddy had been making a special effort that evening to prepare a nice meal for us both and naughty behaviour is not welcome then. Her head dropped as I explained this and I had to raise her chin telling her to look me in the eyes. I could see the realisation in her face of seriousness of the situation. Knowing she had disappointed Daddy was enough to make her sorry. I then proceeded to explain that she would be spanked. She assumed the position and I carried out the punishment. I did so as I always do with a cool detached manner, my voice even and calm. There was no warm up, just the feel of my bare hand across her bottom. She cried as she always does during a spanking, partly from pain partly from her shame at disappointing Daddy. It was a firm spanking but no worse than others I had delivered in the past.

But after I was done with the spanking we still had two steps of the protocol to complete. Her apology and my forgiveness. But at this point her crying continued. Crying does not however express sufficiently what I witnessed. My lil girl simply curled up on her bed sobbing uncontrollably, tears rolling onto her pillow, her body shaking from the force of the crying. Immediately I went to her wrapped my arms around her to hold her tight. She shook me off as though pained by my very touch. In that moment I realised that what she had just experienced was a profound and intense reaction to what I had carried out. I had made a deliberate choice to engineer the tone of the punishment. Make sure it was authentic. The spanking itself was no worse than others I had performed on her, yet the context had altered the meaning behind it.

I had to make a choice whether to respect this act of shaking Daddy off and let her be or hold her tighter and not let her scramble away. I choose the latter. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I knew instinctively that in this moment, no matter whether she resented me or was afraid of me, she needed to feel Daddy's embrace. She needed to know that she was loved and cared for even when she is naughty. That Daddy is not angry with her when carrying out a punishment and once forgiven the situation is dealt with. I gently asked her what was wrong but she could only manage sobs and cries so I held her, brushed her hair from her face and soothed her as best I could. This continued for some time and it was at least a full hour before she was able to respond without tears. When she was ready we completed the protocol and she squeaked out a very meek sorry and I hugged her and told her that she was of course forgiven.

She explained to me that for her that punishment felt so real and genuine, as I had intended, but she was not prepared for how she would react to it. The shame she experienced at disappointing me hit her hard. She found it very difficult to reconcile how after a punishment I could want to hug her and tell her I loved her. It was as though she felt she did not deserve it. In addition if I was not that angry with her then how could I make endure such a traumatic experience. She also said that she was glad now that I had held her when she tried to shake me off. She was comforted by the knowledge that my affections and embrace were not dependant on her mood. I took time to explain to her that I am never angry when carrying out a punishment. For me it is a necessary evil, a means to an end. To feel anger while carrying out a punishment would be inappropriate. The punishment is there to provide boundaries and consequences, both of which she needs and craves. That is the head space that I occupy in those moments. So when the punishment is carried out I want to embrace my little girl as I know she is a good girl really who just slips occasionally.

It was during this talk that we both felt connected to each other in a truly deep way that I lack the skills to articulate. Our roles and actions that night had led to an epiphany within both of us. I witnessed and truly understood how completely and openly my little girl gives herself to me. And she realised that I would be there for her to guide and protect her and never let anything interfere with that. We made love that night not as Daddy and his little girl but two souls sharing a sense of oneness and connection that was truly binding. I am grateful have this wonderful person in my life and I know that my search for the 'authentic' experiences I crave is over.

"Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys.

All it takes for bad English to prevail is for literate people to do nothing.

@Daddy_Dom_Dynamic & @In_The_Nursery

Reply by petit_chat on Sun 20 Mar 2011

Awww mushy moment... I hate getting punished but it is always well explained why I am and it is nearly always fair... even though I am as good as gold :-)

Reply by pinkylucy on Sun 20 Mar 2011

That was very moving to read, thank you for sharing it. :)

I find protocols around punishment important and useful. Hartless always reminds and explains to me why I am going to be punished before she begins and if there is time she will offer a thorough and damning enough explanation/lecture to begin that feeling of submissive shame. I find that harder to access in a genuine sense than a lot of others I think. Reading this blog made me wish, as I have wished many times before, that I could experience that more easily.

"Don't Dream It - Be It" - The Rocky Horror Show 1973

Reply by LondonDaddy on Sun 3 Apr 2011

Great post.....encapsulates what is for me the essence of daddy/girl relationship. Lucky you.

Reply by FairyGirl on Mon 4 Apr 2011

mancDaddy wrote:
Great post.....encapsulates what is for me the essence of daddy/girl relationship. Lucky you.

Thank you :) He's better at writing than he gives himself credit for!

"Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys.

All it takes for bad English to prevail is for literate people to do nothing.

@Daddy_Dom_Dynamic & @In_The_Nursery

Reply by Monkey_Wench on Mon 4 Apr 2011

That was so beautiful and moving. :)

x

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!

Reply by festive_musings on Mon 4 Apr 2011

All_of_Me wrote:
That was so beautiful and moving. :)

x

^^^^ agrees, I think i am too old to have a relationship thats described as daddy/little girl... but this is the type of connection i crave!

You will never find whats right until you walk away from whats wrong!

Reply by FairyGirl on Tue 5 Apr 2011

gentlemusings wrote:
All_of_Me wrote:
That was so beautiful and moving. :)

x

^^^^ agrees, I think i am too old to have a relationship thats described as daddy/little girl... but this is the type of connection i crave!

You're never too old for it :) The ageplay isn't as apparent to me in this, though I felt horrendous that I'd let him down in a little-girl way, the connection and the way it all happened are easily achieved within any sort of dynamic, I should think.

"Nothing saves anyone's life, Sir. It just postpones their death." - Posner , The History Boys.

All it takes for bad English to prevail is for literate people to do nothing.

@Daddy_Dom_Dynamic & @In_The_Nursery

Reply by Daddy_Cool on Wed 6 Apr 2011

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am a very lucky Daddy for sure.

Integrity is what One does, when no one is looking

Reply by sparklydolly on Wed 6 Apr 2011

All_of_Me wrote:
That was so beautiful and moving. :)

x

Completely agreed... :-)

sparkly x

Im a broken doll, You're the puppeteer, Take control for me, And wipe away my fear - Paloma Faith

Reply by ladydreams on Thu 14 Apr 2011

Truly took my breathe away!

The dynamic and bond between a daddie and his lil one is truly an amazing thing. I love it :)

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender - Aerosmith

Reply by Mister_Grey on Wed 11 May 2011

I realise I've slightly missed the boat on this, but I just wanted to say that this is just magical. You're so lucky to have found each other. It's heartening to know this sort of connection can exist.

Reply by Bambi_x on Mon 8 Aug 2011

Amazing.

I always find it difficult to explain how I feel the need for dynamics/punishments etc to be 'real'.. your post covered it perfectly.

I am a tiny bit jealous of you both ;)

x

Fistful of love..

Reply by Daddy_Cool on Mon 8 Aug 2011

Thanks for the comments. Fairy Girl is such a wonderful little girl that I just have to be myself and follow through and it seems to work.

Integrity is what One does, when no one is looking

Reply by FairyGirl on Mon 8 Aug 2011

Bambi_x wrote:
Amazing.

I always find it difficult to explain how I feel the need for dynamics/punishments etc to be 'real'.. your post covered it perfectly.

I am a tiny bit jealous of you both ;)

x

It's always just flowed for us, whether I'm sulking or stropping. We've discovered that whatever mood I'm in, I need the dynamic to stay put and this is just how it works :)

There's always one, and if I'm in the vicinity, it's probably me.

All it takes for bad English to prevail is for literate people to do nothing.

@Daddy_Dom_Dynamic & @In_The_Nursery

Reply by Kinkytalk on Wed 5 Oct 2011

I have been considering a Daddy/'lil girl relationship. One couple I know talking at our Munch show and display a very understanding relationship with respect, loyalty and trust with friends. Your account of the incident was very moving and a fine example of human 'emotion education' drawing people closer together. Thank you so much for sharing this experience.

Talk to me on the phone and see our friendship develop .

Reply by pacosub2007 on Sun 9 Oct 2011

Good to read your post. I agree that clear agreements about behaviour, and consequences of misbehaviour are a good approach in a relationship.

Reply by Daddysaysno on Thu 24 Nov 2011

Yes A really great post. I approach punishments in a similar way, but its great to have a clear structure set out. Very touching also, I felt genuinely moved by the intensity of your lil girl's reaction

Reply by Shypeachybottom on Thu 24 Nov 2011

sparklydolly wrote:
All_of_Me wrote:
That was so beautiful and moving. :)

x

Completely agreed... :-)

sparkly x

Ditto.. beautifully written, all the more so because it was expressing feelings and events which happened

Thank you for giving us such an intimate glimpse into your relationship

:)

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald)

Reply by insanity_sane1 on Thu 24 Nov 2011

Thank you for sharing this ersonal experiance with us :)

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~Buddha

Reply by Daddy_Cool on Wed 30 Nov 2011

Thanks for the comments. Nice to see people are still getting something from my ramblings.

Integrity is what One does, when no one is looking

Reply by Peitho on Wed 30 Nov 2011

Please don't stop sharing.

Reply by Peitho on Wed 30 Nov 2011

Please don't stop sharing.